While I am waiting for the cable guy... where the hell is he?

"Hello"
"Hello"
"What can we do for you?"
"Well have I got something I thought I should bring in."
The lady places a shoe box on the examination table in front of my Vet friend G.
G slowly takes the lid off and peers inside.
"They're canaries"
"Yes" says the lady.
He gives one a poke with his finger.
"They're dead."
"Yes"
"Hmm .. this a veterinary practice. We generally treat animals before they get to this stage. When they get like this there is not a lot we can do."
"Yes I know but, you know, with all this stuff about avian flu in the news I thought I better bring them in. They did all die on the same day which is unusual."
"Yes that is usual. Are they imported?"
"No, but they may have been in contact with imported birds."
"Right ok leave them with us and we'll check them out"
"Ok thanks"
"Bye"
"Bye"

Later G phones up DEFRA.

"Hello, I want to talk someone about avian flu."
"Yes you can talk to me."
"I've got 4 dead canaries that may have been in contact with imported birds. Do you want to test them?"
"No, we expect the first cases to come from migrating birds not imported ones. Imported birds are quarantined"
"What about that dead parrot in the news the other week?"
"Yeah well, that was a one off. Look if you are worried send them to us and we'll test them."
"What in the post?"
"Yes"
"You want me to send a potential bird flu case in the post where they will get in contact with lots of postal workers who have a lot of contact with general public?"
"Put them in a plastic bad or something. Look it is probably nothing - I suggest you just dispose of them in the usual way. We will have to charge for the tests anyway"
"Charge me! How much?"
"£150 each"
"£150!!! I don't think I'll bother then."


Well *that's* reassuring isn't it?