Systemic Failure
"You know when you were little and you heard of businessmen complaining about red tape?" My boss took his jacket off and threw it across his chair for effect.
"Well this is it!"
He had just come back from a meeting with external financial regulators who had finally found us.
In the past they had let us alone - we were cutting edge - we were making money. Ignorance and profitability had protected us - but two years is a long time these days. We had become phase 3. Other banks now do the same thing and Government regulators and pointless middle management had finally understood.
With understanding comes regulation.
I put my iPod back in ears - I knew what was about to happen. I had seen it before.
...
An hour later I got an email from someone at the FSA. Sadly it wasn't a lucrative proposal for a squealer and witness protection but an old friend who wanted a beer.
After talking about Wayne Rooney he explained the FSA's position.
"Look if Goldman Sachs go under - we won't really give a shit. Some rich people get miserable - it is their problem. As long as the board has told the stake holders their intensions we have no problems with bankruptcy. That is capitalism."
"So what are you doing harassing everyone?" I asked
"We are worried about systemic failures."
"Systemic Failures?"
"Yeah - like this small Leeds based mortgage company I was looking into today - they have 80 billion pounds of mortgages on London property and no other assets to back it up." he said taking a sip from his beer.
"And..."
"Well there are lots of companies like that - thousands - all run by muppets. If they all go under - say if there is a Tokyo like crash then well - then it would be a systemic failure - comically - for the whole country. Hence we come down heavy on you because if we don't we wont be able to watch them."
"Wow - what about the Bank of England?"
"We don't talk to them anymore."
"Want another beer?"
"Yeah why not"
"Well this is it!"
He had just come back from a meeting with external financial regulators who had finally found us.
In the past they had let us alone - we were cutting edge - we were making money. Ignorance and profitability had protected us - but two years is a long time these days. We had become phase 3. Other banks now do the same thing and Government regulators and pointless middle management had finally understood.
With understanding comes regulation.
I put my iPod back in ears - I knew what was about to happen. I had seen it before.
...
An hour later I got an email from someone at the FSA. Sadly it wasn't a lucrative proposal for a squealer and witness protection but an old friend who wanted a beer.
After talking about Wayne Rooney he explained the FSA's position.
"Look if Goldman Sachs go under - we won't really give a shit. Some rich people get miserable - it is their problem. As long as the board has told the stake holders their intensions we have no problems with bankruptcy. That is capitalism."
"So what are you doing harassing everyone?" I asked
"We are worried about systemic failures."
"Systemic Failures?"
"Yeah - like this small Leeds based mortgage company I was looking into today - they have 80 billion pounds of mortgages on London property and no other assets to back it up." he said taking a sip from his beer.
"And..."
"Well there are lots of companies like that - thousands - all run by muppets. If they all go under - say if there is a Tokyo like crash then well - then it would be a systemic failure - comically - for the whole country. Hence we come down heavy on you because if we don't we wont be able to watch them."
"Wow - what about the Bank of England?"
"We don't talk to them anymore."
"Want another beer?"
"Yeah why not"
posted by h at
12:48 am
3 Comments:
Is this code for the collapse of capitalism?
By
bloggin the Question, at 3:16 pm
You may have to "write-off" Thomas Jefferson's mortgage with the Bank of England.
Just a "heads up"...
By
Zen Wizard, at 5:52 pm
HVG: Oh yeah - but shhh... two words - beans and guns - that or universal love. Whatever...
zen: Well he clearly lost out. Bit like old Benny Franklin. I walked past the house he lived in other day - where he came up with the US constitution, naked apparently. I bet he wish he bought now.
By
h, at 11:23 pm
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