Landan - Culture, Prosperity - init.
“Stand behind the white line while the train goes though a security check!” a voice bellowed from the big brother (well big sister really as it was a woman’s voice) speaker system and eerily echoed across the train station platform.
I dutifully did my bit for the war on terror and stood behind the line. But my bleary eyed, sleep deprived, long haul fight weary Canadian companion failed to comply. Maybe it was a rebellious reaction to the hour wait in immigration trying to explain to a faceless non-understanding official that although she really was coming to see her boyfriend, she hadn’t met him in either Canada or England but in blogosphere. Maybe she was just tired.
“Err... babe! You have to stand behind the line!”
“Why?” she asked defiantly
“Hmm not sure – something about terrorists”
“You crazy Brits”
Later after being told by a recording on the train not to put her luggage in obviously stupid places and not to stand in even more obviously stupid places; to sit in the seats obviously provided; being told by signs not be the victim of crime; to queue here, queue there; look right, look left; that the toilets were obviously over here; the way out was over there; to stop here, keep left there, keep right over there; to mind the step and mind the gap. She finally cracked.
“What is wrong with you Brits? – Would your society collapse into anarchic barbarism if you weren’t told exactly what to do every minute of the day?”
“Hmm… “I looked around for a sign or speaker system to tell me the answer.
“What do they mean “Mind the gap” anyway?”
“Well “gaps” are a species of giant bat that live in the underground. When the trains come they wake up in an understandably bad mood. So it is best to mind them.”
She wasn’t convinced.
Admittedly she is from Montreal where the few road sign they do have are more suggestions than actual rules.
After she got used the signs and the ugly money I think she had a great time – all the things about London that annoy me, she seemed to love. And seeing London through tourist’s eyes makes you realise how lovely it really is.
So if you live in London and haven’t been on an open top bus tour or gone to the Globe or any of that other stuff – next time someone from out of town comes to visit - just do it. It is great.
I dutifully did my bit for the war on terror and stood behind the line. But my bleary eyed, sleep deprived, long haul fight weary Canadian companion failed to comply. Maybe it was a rebellious reaction to the hour wait in immigration trying to explain to a faceless non-understanding official that although she really was coming to see her boyfriend, she hadn’t met him in either Canada or England but in blogosphere. Maybe she was just tired.
“Err... babe! You have to stand behind the line!”
“Why?” she asked defiantly
“Hmm not sure – something about terrorists”
“You crazy Brits”
Later after being told by a recording on the train not to put her luggage in obviously stupid places and not to stand in even more obviously stupid places; to sit in the seats obviously provided; being told by signs not be the victim of crime; to queue here, queue there; look right, look left; that the toilets were obviously over here; the way out was over there; to stop here, keep left there, keep right over there; to mind the step and mind the gap. She finally cracked.
“What is wrong with you Brits? – Would your society collapse into anarchic barbarism if you weren’t told exactly what to do every minute of the day?”
“Hmm… “I looked around for a sign or speaker system to tell me the answer.
“What do they mean “Mind the gap” anyway?”
“Well “gaps” are a species of giant bat that live in the underground. When the trains come they wake up in an understandably bad mood. So it is best to mind them.”
She wasn’t convinced.
Admittedly she is from Montreal where the few road sign they do have are more suggestions than actual rules.
After she got used the signs and the ugly money I think she had a great time – all the things about London that annoy me, she seemed to love. And seeing London through tourist’s eyes makes you realise how lovely it really is.
So if you live in London and haven’t been on an open top bus tour or gone to the Globe or any of that other stuff – next time someone from out of town comes to visit - just do it. It is great.
posted by h at
8:59 pm
6 Comments:
In America, "Mind the Gap®" means to dress like a really stingy gay guy.
Seriously, anyone who doesn't link England should have a lot of security right now is living in dreamland. It's really a miracle it hasn't denigrated into a total police state.
By
Zen Wizard, at 10:13 pm
Well as part of my tourist guide duties were spent at the London museum so I have a handy answer to that.
London has survived a Roman invasion and worse - its departure. It has survived Saxon and Angle invasions. It survived the Black Death that killed 80% of the population; it survived the great fire that destroyed 80% of the buildings. It survived massive politically and religious transformations, it survived being the centre of the rise and fall of the British Empire, it survived being the target of one of the biggest civilian bombing campaign in history by the Nazis, it survived 20 years of IRA attacks but still it is the second most important cultural and financial centre in the world.
I reckon it can handle a few more bombs without introducing petty and stupid new rules.
By
h, at 11:53 pm
Good point!
Was this chick "hot"? You should have tried to steal her away from her "Internet boyfriend."
Any guy who picks up a chick on the Internet is pretty pathetic, anyway.
She sounds like kind of a kvetch, but sometimes that translates into, "Great in the sack." (Reference: Fran Dresher, Barbra Streisand, any of the cast of "Desperate Housewives," Donna Versace [grocery sack not included], etc.)
To the "Internet boyfriend," I say, "Be a man for a change, and call an escort service like the rest of us!"
Or become a museum tour guide in London: That's sounds like an honorary Player's Club membership right there...
By
Zen Wizard, at 8:01 pm
Yes she is incredibly hot! Unnervingly so.
And err... I am the said internet boyfriend.
By
h, at 10:20 pm
I'm glad your guest enjoyed her stay, I always get jealous of other people going to London.
I had similar issues trying to explain to an out-of-town guest that yes, the skeevy station police could look into her bag if they wanted to, and that no, nobody really thought this was a big deal. London may have 9 lives, but NY was built on a swamp and a few Native American burial grounds not very long ago and it seems no one wants to push their luck anymore.
By
Hope E. Ewing, at 1:14 pm
Uh--cancel the stuff about the escort service, then...
If it's not too late...
If it's "too late," remember that in every menage a' trois, the key word is: "inclusion."
Oh, and when I said, "pathetic," I meant in an existentialist sense--the way all of mankind is pathetic, and....
Aw, hell with it! Next time just tell us when you're talking about yourself in the third person!!!
Oh, and maybe we should take out the "kind of a kvetch-thing." Just leave in the "great in the sack"...I think....
By
Zen Wizard, at 2:07 am
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