I've gone metrosexual on your sorry asses.

I have started a long and painful campaign to beautify myself because I am a vain vain man.

It was kind of a new year's resolution but trying to do anything in the winter is pointless because I really can't be bothered. But spring is around the corner and life is good.

The best way to get any big project underway is to start with the small easy stuff that will get it going.

So what better way to start than with an expensive haircut at Tony and Guys? Oh my - that place was good. I didn't know they have special chairs that massage your back as they wash your hair.

And who better to cut your hair than an Italian, black silk shirted and clearly homosexual man called Fabio?

After I explained what I wanted, he said with one hand on his hip and the other stoking his chin thoughtfully looking at me through the mirror.

"I nota understand whata you say."

He then put is hands on my shoulders leaned a little closer, dropped his voice slightly, gave me a smouldering look and said

"But I make you looka fabulous!"
"Hm.. OK" I said

And you know what? He did.

He also sold me some expensive hair paste.

"It is better when you are in the bed." He said a wiggling an eyebrow at me "It makea you less sticky!"
"Great!" I said looking at the label.

Spurned on and encouraged by my new fabulous haircut, checking it out at every opportunity, I decided a trip to Boots was in order.

Slightly overwhelmed the range of beauty products for men there are these days, I picked out a whole load of crap at random and put it in my basket.

When I got home the only thing I could work out what it was for or how to use was some expensive moisturiser which proudly boasted a pro-active re-energizing ingredient.
I put some on this morning but so far I can't say that I look or feel any more pro-active or re-energized than usual but it is early days yet.

Next up - teeth.