And number one: The worst job in my entire life is… Sales Rep: Teddy Bear Trading Co. Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
When I heard the
After the induction where they explained the legal definition of why we shouldn’t sell drugs to punters whilst in uniform, why we really shouldn’t operate the rides whilst on them and that we shouldn’t call them punters at all but “guests” we were allocated our roles.
“The big dipper, the big dipper.” I prayed.
But I didn’t get the big dipper.
I got a shop.
It was called “The Teddy Bear Trading
It was in the arse end of the park that no one ever went to.
Ever.
It was a 4 by 4 metre room filled wall to wall with stuffed toys. Bears and deers and steers, gorillas, pandas, rabbits and hares. Ten thousand blinkless beady eyes staring, baring onto my being.
No one came in.
Ever.
Outside I could just, over the dunes, see the sea rolling in and out dragged by the moon.
In the corner a 6 foot fake tree moved fake rosy red lips up and down in time to “The Teddy Bear’s Picnic”
Which repeated on a loop all day over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…..
posted by h at
1:51 am
6 Comments:
Perhaps in such a situation one could find eternal stillness
By
bloggin the Question, at 1:15 pm
Should you really TRADE Teddy Bears?
Shouldn't you break down and by a new one??
For instance, mine has jizz crustaceans and dried saliva from holding it during "wet dreams."
(Just keepin' it real...)
By
Zen Wizard, at 3:56 pm
I worry slightly about Zen Wizard's version of 'reality'.
Was it actually EVER the day the teddy bears had their picnic? Because that's a lot of picnics. Did they wait until you went to attempt to find other life forms and then leap down, hurriedly put out a rug and some sandwiches and sausage rolls; then, as soon as the look out saw you trudging dejectedly back, they all scurried up to their positions, brushing crumbs off their rotund bellies and adopting a beady-eyed stare?
Because that is what I'd assume was going on.
Suddenly I'm beginning to question my own version of 'reality'.
By
Léonie, at 4:34 pm
Now you come to mention it Helga, the guy who got the job after me only went on to become the Dali fucking Lama. I clearly missed a trick there.
Yes Zen, trading them seems so inhuman like I was just holding them before the slave-ship arrived to take them away in chains to candy plantations in the Caribbean.
Leonie - that is exaclty what the greedy little fuckers were doing.
By
h, at 4:47 pm
How were you not sectioned after all that? You're made of stronger stuff than me.
By
Fuckkit, at 10:21 pm
Brilliant.
I once worked in an Amusement Park in the States and had to listen to 'Jive Bunny - The Album' on a constant loop.
But Teddy Bears? Much worse.
By
Spinsterella, at 10:43 pm
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